In memories

This year's CNY and the CNY to come will never be the same again. This is the first time in my whole 20 years I celebrated CNY in KL. Well I can still remember how I used to grumble about going back to Malacca because at that time my grandma's house was just a small 3 rooms flat which was kinda rundown and at times the place can be really hot and humid especially during CNY when all her 15 childrens plus their childrens under one roof. Sometimes there weren't even enough chairs that we had to sit on the floor.

Then later when times were better my uncle bought a landed property with 4 rooms fully furnished as well as air-conditioned. But the main point doesn't lies here. What I enjoyed about going back to Malacca most is the warm welcomes and wide smiles we will receive from my grandma and both my uncle and aunt. Who cares bout the shark fin soup or the crispy suckling pig served in restaurants, I don't need those to make my CNY complete. Although I hardly communicate with my grandma as I'm not really fluent in my Hokkien but I know deep down inside all that matters to her is seeing one whole family joining her at the table for a simple dinner.

Another thing that really touches my heart is seeing my grandma's determination to send us at the door even when she's on wheelchair when it was time for us to leave. She would stayed at the door and waved at us until she can no longer see the car. At those times I could care less because I would just assume she was waving to my dad. But now I know I will never be able to see that hand waving at me again. Sometimes the loneliness in her eyes were obvious and I know that at her age all she ever hopes for is her kids to come back more often to visit her.

Grandma to me was just someone I had to respect, had to visit during CNY and had to greet her everytime I stepped into the house. I never took the initiative to talk to her nor did i bother spending time with her. However sometimes she would just come by and take my hand and tell me to study hard so that I could help lessen the family's burden in the future. I would just smile and nod my head forgetting what she said the next minute.

My grandma was a strong buddhist her whole life and she only became a Christian during her last few years. I will never know if she really understands what she's actually believing or is she just doing it for the sake of making her son happy. Anyhow I hope she really is in heaven now.


One thing I can be sure of is that she will always be in her children and grandchildren's memories and that they love her as much as she had loved them.